In between ‘lost’ and ‘found’ there is this horrible mid-air experience that’s like a never-ending free fall and you have the air whooshing through your guts, turning you inside-out for all the world to see.
All the while you wish you were back in the cobwebbed corner, hidden in unfounded safety.
And then, you hit the cloud of His love. A garden of grace. You’ve found Him, you’re founded.
Everything is new.
“Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at the goal.
Through violence you can murder a murderer but cannot murder murder.
Through violence you can murder a liar but you cannot establish truth.
Through violence you can murder a hater but you cannot murder hate.
Darkness cannot put out darkness; only light can do that.
We will not build a peaceful world by following a negative path. It is not enough to say we should not wage war, it is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it. We must concentrate not merely on the negative expulsion of war but on the positive affirmation of peace. We must say that peace represents a sweeter music, a cosmic melody that is far superior to the discords of war.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
We really suck sometimes at what we do.
I don’t think anyone, even hard workers can fully credit their own ability to the things they are good at doing.
Maybe, sometimes, a skilled musician or craftsperson, comes to a revelation knowing that in this entire universe, the forces have granted them the good fortune of their hands meeting something their souls were created to do.
And they have a secret grin to themselves, acknowledging that, because, they know they are mere human beings.
No one else knows what we are meant to be, better than God. Sometimes, we refuse to believe him when he tells us – “I want you to do this – this is what you are created to do.”
“Moses said to the LORD, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4:10-12
Moses says, I suck at this, I don’t want to do this (lead an entire nation). And of course God patiently affirmed him time and time again.
Moses wasn’t being delusional about his weaknesses like some of us in denial. I think he really did sucked. But it does not matter to God that we were not competent before or even after we are called – he continually seeks a faithful servant, even when we’ve been serving and we don’t see improvement in our service.
Guess what God said about him later (when they were out in the desert) when his own brother and sister thought he was the most unqualified leader of 2,000,000.
“When a prophet of the LORD is among you,
I reveal myself to him in visions,
I speak to him in dreams.
But this is not true of my servant Moses;
he is faithful in all my house.
With him I speak face to face,
clearly and not in riddles;”
Numbers 12:1-9
Your eyes see your faults. Your faith sees your Savior.
A broken heart is more than a feeling, there is real physical pain. The emotional element is that at a memory or a warning it calls out that pain, sharp, searing and intense that happens to your physical healthy heart.
But we’ve all been Hosea’s wife, very few of us has ever been Hosea himself. How can we fathom the breaking heart of God and (try to) response with our own lives, anointed with oil and set before his throne, ready to be consumed by His fire, his jealous and demanding love.
Hosea had a heart transplant. When we asked Jesus to come in our hearts, the surgical procedure starts. But often we interrupt the surgery, because it is too painful.
Hosea 6:4 “What can I do with you, Ephraim?
What can I do with you, Judah?
Your love is like the morning mist,
like the early dew that disappears.
Rob Bell has a book out called “Drop like Stars”.
I like Rob Bell cuz he says a lot without having to write a million words.
But chances are you would only understand it if you’ve thought about similar stuff.
Which is good cuz what he writes about – lots of people have thought about it.
This book is about creativity and suffering. So its true that suffering is a key to creativity. I don’t mean to be insulting, this is what I do when I was younger, but I’m more confident now that mainstream(or pop, but thats not very fair, because shallowness infiltrates ‘rock’ culture or every other genre too) culture culture is a very, very poor representation of art. Because most of our “artistes” are not people conditioned to the art of living – perfected by suffering. I’m sorry, but your music on the radio is mostly stupid, at best, hollow. Sorry.
He says it with the box paradigm. When you have your boxes being smashed to bits, when you’re going through suffering, you have no option but to think outside the box.
I’m not without box yet still. I probably only go from one box into a bigger box, or another box. I just hope I keep progressing to find the edge of every box and push it.
Great job, Jaeson Ma.
Gaahh. I’m slouching off to a non-blogging mode again. Before the cobwebs form, I better post something.
Exciting things are happening. 
But its always a fight to keep it going. There are so many things happening in my life right now that don’t look particularly promising, but my 2010-good-feeling is not wearing off yet. Its gonna get better, I know it! :B
And all the time, I’m being reminded front left right back centre that its about: Jesus.
I got this off a newsletter from ReImagine, it says:
“One of the greatest scandals in the life and teachings of Jesus is the possibility that the maker of the universe is caring and active within the immediacy, beauty and struggle of our lives. Rather than God being an elegant but unreal ideal or a cold and distant judge, Jesus demonstrates a relationship with the divine being that is tender, personal, powerful and presently available.”
I love how following Jesus is full of paradoxes. A smart person (I can’t remember who, sorry) said when the world comes into maturity in terms of spirituality, we will all learn to embrace all the questions, the paradoxes, as a beautiful mystery of life, and stop fighting to rid ourselves of the ‘unknown’, the uncertainty, yet at the same time thirsting to know more, the more we know. That’s exactly how I feel about Jesus right now. The apostle John said, there were many things that Jesus did that were unaccounted for – the same way there is so much our Creator has done, in other worlds, other galaxies, and one day He will take us for a magnificent tour about the many other things He did while we were occupied on planet Earth.
I will try to rememeber who said that line. 
and I thank you guys in advance and this is my request this year:If you are thinking of a gift, I’m channelling all my bday gifts as monetary contribution to single mothers from the Semelai Orang Asli tribe in Temerloh. Our youths have been giving faithfully to the single mothers the last year, some who have quite a few children and a great burden on their shoulders. Sometimes they have to resort to condensed milk for their babies.
Of course, not everyone would give me a gift for my birthday usually, but if you want to be part of this ‘birthday revolution’, let me know how much you want to contribute. OR, do something similar for your birthday this year and make it a day where you are blessing others. But please, don’t scam anyone. 
Man. Look at this blog. I failed to fulfill my blog promise last year again, (this is the second time now, started one in 2008) and now its dusty, begging me to just shut it down. But hey, its a sign that I have a life outside of the virtual world. Unlike some people who are ‘bound’ to facebook HAR HAR.
Anyways, its 2010! And I’ve never felt so good about a new year before. So here I am – blogging about how awesome it will be. Yep.
New year’s resolution. Don’t yawn. I’m serious about this.
1. Finish the Bible.
2. Do it with at least 4 people.
3. Build up a library at home with all the books lying around and start reading.
4. Write a song. (Funny ones included)
5. Build a patio for friends and family gatherings.
6. Transform house from junkyard and lalang land into a real home.
7. Redefine career path to screenwriting (please don’t judge from my blogging)
8. Then make a new namecard
9. Reconnect with roots in China. Heh heh.
10. Get a camera!
11. Blog, dang it.
If there is among you anyone in need, a member of your community in any of your towns within the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard-hearted or tight-fisted toward your needy neighbor. You should rather open your hand, willingly lending enough to meet the need, whatever it may be … Since there will never cease to be some in need on the earth, I therefore command you, “Open your hand to the poor and needy neighbor in your land.”
- Deuteronomy 15:7-11
